It’s Still Dangerous in the Bedroom (I Talk About Sex)

***DISCLAIMER: Before I begin, I want to point out that I am not in anyway an authority on this subject. I am not married and will more than likely not be for a while. But these have been my thoughts in recent days.***

I’m sure if you’ve been raised in a church setting of some kind you’ve heard a phrase referring to saving sex until marriage and then going crazy in the bedroom once you are married. 

I tend to disagree with that idea.

Here’s why:

As Christians we are against lust. We see porn as a problem and premarital sex is a firm no, and don’t even think about mentioning homosexuality. But for some reason the message is sent that once you are married lust isn’t a struggle anymore. You will have a sexual partner so there will be no need for other sexual stimulation. Right? I have been told that is not so. 

The danger then, in having an “anything goes” mentality is that lust can still rule the marital sex scene.  You get married and suddenly sex is available. Marital sex is a pure, God-given pleasure, but I believe it is dangerous to remark about how anything can go because you can easily fall into the pattern that ends up with your spouse being treated as a sex toy, delivering you your pleasure at anytime with no boundaries. This scares me.  This is no longer a pure act, but has now become a sin-infested sex romp.

These are my thoughts. I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic I have discussed. This is only a concept I have been thinking about for a day or two so it is obviously not polished. 


4 thoughts on “It’s Still Dangerous in the Bedroom (I Talk About Sex)

  1. Being married, I believe it can happen if you are not intentional about it. Lust issues don’t disappear and they sure don’t get any easier to deal with. If one person is struggling, it doesn’t just hurt your relationship with God, but also with your spouse. Our society, and sometimes church family and friends, skew the purpose for marriage. We need to be aware of our thoughts towards our spouse and others.

    Enjoyed your post and think that there is a lot of truth throughout. 🙂

  2. This is true if sex is purely selfish. If the bedroom is only about your pleasure, I see this point. However if sex is about the pleasure of your partner, then the “anything goes” argument has weight. Sex is suppose to be enjoyable. Sometimes we think about it too much.
    The other end is just have sex when you’re ready to have babies. But at that point sex would still be selfish. 🙂

  3. Adam, you are absolutely right! This is why I have spent so much time teaching my children about the stuff they choose to put in their mind. Whether through television, music, computer, video games or books. Media shapes our worldview and the garbage it sends out tells the world this is a perfectly normal way of life. It desensitizes our culture to sin. Once an image goes into the mind it in some ways is burned into our thoughts and we cannot escape them. I know this through my own exposure of stuff when I was younger. It will pop up at the strangest times sometimes and you wonder where in the world it came from. From our memory storehouse. It is how the enemy of our souls will taint the marriage bed. Having passion with your spouse is perfectly acceptable and in that sense when there is mutual agreement there isn’t much that isn’t “allowed” or unacceptable if the thought is to please you spouse and honor The Lord at the same time. Keeping the junk out of our minds by being cautious of what we put before our eyes an into our ears can help keep the marriage bed pure and keep us bringing glory to God. Keep it going Adam! I am always so encouraged by you!

  4. Being married now, lust is still a problem. I would say, it becomes easier to manage, because there is another layer of connectedness with the one you love, and you never in a million years want to hurt or disappoint them. Porn desire has been easier to handle, lust has been manageable, all because Deborah is all I want now.

    That said, I think mutuality is very important in the bedroom. Both parties MUST agree to any act (within reason, of course) before it can be permitted. Important, open, frank conversations need to be had before any act ensues and continuing honest communication should remain a daily practice to develop a wonderful love life. That’s my only comment.

    Great post man!

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